I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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