And the cops told us we were all naked.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
