We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
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Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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