i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
me + whiskey = a bad person
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
