Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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