I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
