You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
