Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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