I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
