I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
