Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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