im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize