God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
