3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
