i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
