the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
