I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
