So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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