...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
