put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
