oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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