I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
