I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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