I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
