it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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