dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
