party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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