He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
