Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
