forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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