Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
