Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
