discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize