So drunk its hurt
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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