allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
