So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
