Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
