Umm I'm too high to move.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
