Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize