problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
