Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
