Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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