Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
