I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
