M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
