I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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