I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
