Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
