I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
