She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
