Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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