Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
