"it" just moved
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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