My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
