So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
