actually, I'm a sock model
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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