I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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