South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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