I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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