there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
