I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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