part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
