god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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