Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
