end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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