from now on my penis is your penis
Someone shit on the floor
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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