Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
