i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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