Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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