Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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