Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
