She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
